Binge Watching Netflix

It’s the weekend and honestly I am feeling pretty awful today.

Living with a chronic illness that mostly drains my energy, I find myself on the couch a lot in my free time. If I am not online checking in on Facebook, Tumblr, Youtube, or hulu, I am on Netflix.

Last night I felt a migraine starting to flare up while binge watching Fuller House on Netflix. I am not ashamed to admit I finished all 13 episodes yesterday.

I grew up watching Full House and though I can’t bring myself to watch those cheesy daddy daughter talks anymore, I still love what the show represented and I am so happy to see some of my childhood brought back in a modern way.

I was worried about how the show would turn out, and honestly there were only a few times I felt it was a bit odd or too much. But overall, it was hilarious and full of nostalgia. I will be waiting anxiously for them to release more episodes if they are able to!

Some other shows that I find binge worthy are: (in no specific order)

  • Gilmore Girls
  • The Walking Dead
  • iZombie
  • Grey’s Anatomy
  • Supernatural
  • The 100
  • Pretty Little Liars (though mostly  frustrating )
  • Once Upon a Time
  • Broadchurch
  • Breaking Bad (trigger warning)
  • Bob’s Burgers
  • Parenthood
  • Lost

As you can see, I like all sorts of genres. It just depends on what I am in the mood for and how I am feeling physically.

Well that about wraps this up for now. I hope you all are having a wonderful weekend! ❤

 

 

 

 

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Relationship Tips

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From my experience (10 years together; a few months married so far)…

  • Remember that your partner is their own person with their own feelings, needs, wants, dislikes, and so on. Just because they may not show their feelings about something, doesn’t mean they don’t have them. Try to be aware the current situation and think about how it may be affecting them, or how you would feel if you were them (even if you feel like you are the one suffering at the moment).
  • If you are in a serious long relationship, try to give all kinds of breaks to your partner. If you know them inside and out, don’t act like you just met. If they do something that hurts you, think about the fact that they would never TRY to hurt you. You have to be willing to forgive and discuss and move on. If it’s really bothering you, talk to your partner about why it bothers you and explain without just yelling or blaming them. Communication is key.
  • If you are in a new relationship, try to learn about each other. Sometimes you have to do things you might not love to do, but it may mean the world to the other person. Relationships take work. You don’t have to be identical to your partner for it work, but having some common core things that you agree on definitely helps.
  • No matter where you are in your relationship, try to have fun together in your free time. You don’t have to spend every free second together. It’s actually healthy for the two of you to still have your own things and hobbies that you can do on your own. Some people need that time to themselves, so if you are not that type of person, try not to feel hurt if your partner is. It doesn’t mean they can’t stand to be around you, it just means they need that time to themselves to feed their minds and souls. Alone time can be therapeutic. You can try to find a new hobby or just go on a quiet walk on a nice day. Focus on the nature around you or find a new favorite place to visit. The key is to give each other space but still be able to find things to do that doesn’t sound terrible to either of you.
  • I mentioned before about how communication is key. I can’t stress that enough. If you can’t talk to your partner about something, that’s where the problem starts. You have to decide if you are willing to ruin your relationship over not telling them about things that bother you. Yes it may be awkward and hard at first, but the more you communicate your feelings, the more you will learn how your partner prefers to communicate about theirs as well. I’m not saying to nag your partner about every little thing they do that bothers you. I’m talking about the more important things that need to be discussed. And you’d be surprised to find out why it is that your partner may not communicate their feelings. It took me 5 years to get my guy to even tell me why it is he doesn’t like talking about his feelings. After I knew the reason, it was much easier for us both to just get it out there and be open about how we both felt.

So I hope this helped some of you. I know this was long, but once I start typing, my brain just goes into overdrive. I hope you all have a Happy Valentines Day!

Feel free to ask me any questions if something was confusing or unclear!

(again not an expert, just from my experience)

Something To Think About

(Sorry if this gets confusing, I am writing during a migraine and brain fog.)

I wanted to touch on this subject because it not only affects my every day life but it affects so many other people as well.

I want people to understand that just because a person is a certain age (younger) and may look healthy on the outside and may have a smile on their face, it doesn’t mean that they are not in real physical pain.

So many YOUNG people deal with chronic illnesses that can cause chronic pain and fatigue.

I want people to stop and think about that the next time you start to question why that young girl or guy parked in the handicap spot and walked into the store.

Maybe they have a heart condition and can’t walk for long. Maybe they have chronic pain in their joints. Maybe they can’t be out in whatever extreme temperature is happening at the moment.

Whatever the reason, please remember that looks can be deceiving.

And you can be sure that, that young person knows they seem to look fine on the outside, and they worry about people judging them for doing whatever it is you think is not right because of your opinion of how they look or their age.

There have been so many times I need to get groceries but I put it off because I’m too scared to use one of those electric wheelchair buggies and I would rather wait until I am feeling good enough to walk around the store and carry things to my car.

If more people understood and knew about “invisible chronic illnesses” in young people, I would have the confidence to go and do things using the things I need to help me get stuff done without fear of judgement.

I couldn’t even get a doctor to understand that I needed a handicap sign for my car so I could go shopping on a hot day and not have to walk across a parking lot and faint by the time I get to the door.

So my understanding husband drives me everywhere and drops me off at the door.

If you would like to learn more about my condition or this topic, feel free to let me know and we can chat about it.

(I’m not saying I’m an expert, but I have a lot of experience dealing with being a young person who is chronically ill but doesn’t look it and can hopefully give some answers to any questions you have.)

Dreams

Most nights I have vivid dreams. Some nights they are the kind of dreams that don’t make much sense and are just silly. Like my brain took five random times from my life and melted them together and something weird happens.

Other nights, however, I have the most amazing adventurous dreams.

Last night, I had a dream that I was in some type of apocalyptic world, but instead of like zombies, it was like those Hyperion robots from the video game Borderlands. They would materialize anywhere those flying drones would show up and build them out of thin air. It was pretty scary but pretty awesome at the same time.

Badass_loader

Source: http://borderlands.wikia.com/wiki/Super_Badass_Loader

I’ve always had vivid dreams. It’s like I can actually feel what is happening to me. Like if I get hurt or if I am underwater for some reason I will wake up gasping for breath. (Those are not my favorite.)

I’ve also dealt with sleep paralysis a handful of times.

how-sleep-paralysis-occurs

Source: http://www.end-your-sleep-deprivation.com/sleep-paralysis.html

I’m not going to try to explain what sleep paralysis is in general because I’ll probably get it wrong, but I can explain my experience with it.

Imagine that feeling when you are waking up. Your eyes are still closed and you haven’t moved yet. And then imagine realizing that you are awake (with your eyes still closed) and you can’t move anything at all. Not even a little. Your body is paralyzed completely. Then you hear something. You wonder if you are dreaming, but no, you are definitely awake. What is going on? Then the noise gets louder. It sounds like someone is in the house! They must have broken in! But why can’t you move? Panic is the next feeling that settles over you as the sound of the stranger moves closer and closer to your room. Your heart is pounding. Now they are pounding on your bedroom door! Suddenly you come of out your paralysis and the noise stops. You open your eyes terrified and confused.

That is what it has been like for me when I experience sleep paralysis. One time I woke up paralyzed and I could hear a woman screaming and throwing a fit in the kitchen, slamming cabinets and then taking off and stomping full speed towards my bedroom. That was probably the worst one I ever had.

If you have amazing dreams or have experienced sleep paralysis, let me know! ❤

Bad Days

Yesterday was a terrible day. Work stress caused me to have a literal meltdown where I walked out of the building and just kept on walking. I walked around the block and came back in tears.

Then when I got home, I realized I had left my phone at work. Scott was nice enough to drop me off at home and go back and get it for me.

Then while I was on the couch, I went to reach down and pick something up at the same moment my dog decided to jump up and head butted the side of my forehead near my temple. (Which is also a very sensitive spot already for me because of my migraines).

I was crying in pain and emotional from everything else that had happened and I just had to let myself sit there and be in a mood.

I think that’s just what you have to do sometimes. Everyone is so hell bent on “fixing” everyone else right away when something bad happens.

I don’t want to be “fixed” when something happens. I want to feel how I feel so I can move on with my life when the feeling has passed.

I knew that this bad day would pass, but that didn’t stop me from crying and feeling completely hopeless about all the little things that had built up overtime and had led to my meltdown.

Sometimes when a bad day happens, you just gotta feel how you are going to feel about it. Smile at those who insist on trying to cheer you up right away or just ignore them so they get the message that you need to feel how you feel at the moment.

You are entitled to your feelings and while you are going through the bad stuff, just remember, this day will end and even if you still feel a little sad for a little while, that’s okay.

NOTE: (This is not to say that if someone suffers from depression, they shouldn’t seek help. If you feel like every day is a bad day and you feel hopeless all the time, you should find someone you trust to talk to about it.)

If you’ve had a terrible day and gotten passed it and would like to talk about it, feel free! ❤

Anxiety

I don’t normally talk about my anxiety.

I mostly just feel it and try and get through it.

One of the things that gives me more anxiety than anything else is driving. I know it might sound strange, but it’s really what I hate the most. I have been in 3 (not too serious) car wrecks, 2 of which were my fault. One was a wrong place at the wrong time in a parking lot deal, and the other was a ‘I woke up and got in my car and pulled out in front of someone because I was still not awake yet’ deal. The other one someone ran into the back of me because the person in front of me stopped and turned off the road suddenly. I stopped in time but the person behind me did not.

My condition gives me brain fog and slow movements and that makes me not want to drive. It’s almost like a drunk person driving and no one wants that. I do it when I have to and I’m super careful and drive slow, but the anxiety of it just kills me.

If I have to drive myself to a doctor or dentist, I have to take the whole day off because I can’t handle the stress of work and my driving anxiety.

I am also terrible with directions. I can’t read a map and I can’t follow someone telling me directions unless they are in the car with me. I’m not good at learning street names and remembering where things are according to their street names.

I have a dentist appointment at the end of this week and so of course I had to take the day off work. Last time I was there, the dentist hit a nerve when he was numbing me and it hurt worse than any other dental work I had ever had and it gave me a big bruise on my jaw and chin. Needless to say, I am not looking forward to this visit or driving.

One good thing about my anxiety is that it makes me want to clean things when I am home. You can tell when I am at my worst if I look like Cinderella in my kitchen. Not the outfit but the scrubbing things clean all over the place. I’m not sure why it calms me down, but something about scrubbing something dirty and watching it become clean does the trick.

Too bad I don’t always feel the need to clean. I mean maybe I do feel the need, but with my condition, it makes it very hard to have a full time job and then come home and do more.

Well that’s enough about me today. I mean this blog is all about me. But that’s enough for today! ❤

What gives you anxiety and do you have any tricks on dealing with it or do you have to just wait it out?