Flare Days

I woke up today and I knew immediately that it was going to be one of those days. Normally on a day like this, I would just stay home because the pain and overall feeling is just too much to deal with.

For some reason though, today, I just really didn’t want to stay home. I didn’t want to once again feel left behind by the world. Because I work with my husband at the moment, I feel sad when I have to stay home and be alone and feel sick all day. I might not be so anxious to get to work otherwise.

So I took my daily medications and added some Aleve hoping to take the edge off my joint pain. (I know, silly me.) And now I am sitting here at my desk in my office and wondering what in the world I was thinking.

I still feel awful and I am so wishing I had just stayed home. Minute to minute, just suffering through the pain and fatigue in this terrible flare. No where to run, no where to hide; people bothering me because I did in fact come to work today.

In situations like this, I usually start debating if I should just tough it out or work up the courage to ask to be taken back home early. I try and wait it out and see if maybe the pain will let up enough that it’s not so bad but most of the time, a flare like this shows no mercy.

Then I think, maybe I can convince him to just leave work early with me if he is not that busy (which mostly he is always busy).

I hate that I can’t just wake up and go to work and not have to worry about how I will be feeling day to day. One of the hardest parts is that most people can never understand what I am going through and they often add to the suffering without realizing it.

People mean well, but their comments can be hurtful. Saying things like, “Oh you look like you are feeling better today.” is one of my least favorites because I am never feeling better. Not in the sense that they use the word.

Yes I have days that are better than others, but when others say “better” they mean “all better or completely normal”. My better is their sick day. And that is something that most people can’t wrap their brains around. I don’t really blame them for not understanding because it would be a hard thing to understand if you are not going through it every single day.

I just get so bitter and annoyed at the situation itself and that is totally understandable. I can see it for it is. Just a complicated situation. It’s no one’s fault that I am forever stuck in this body that does not work properly. It’s no one’s fault that any average healthy person could never relate to what I am going through and could not possibly understand and therefore will probably say things that offend me even though they mean well.

Anyways, I’m exhausted and wanted to write something today and this is just how my day is going.

I hope you all are feeling better than I am today! ❤


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